Kyohei staggered along behind Nanami tripping over his feet as she dragged him along.
"Cone on come on come ooooon!" She shouted excited
"N-Nanami where are we going?" He asked. He knew she had wanted to come to the world of the living today, but as the two of them ran through the city streets of Karakura town, he was beginning to rethink his decision to be her escort for the day.
"Only to the most important event EVER!" She shouted as they entered a large crowd. Beginning to shove their way through, Kyohei noticed they were heading for the paned glass doors of a large building.
"And what would that be?" He asked. They reached the front of the crowd and he found his answer in the form of large red posters pasted on the glass, each of them advertising:
'BIG SALE! Everything 60-90% off! Limited time only!'
It was then Kyohei noticed that the crowd surging around him was made primarily of women with a few unfortunate men forced to be there; like himself.
"Only the Tiffany's fall out red start end of the year clearance sale!" Nanami said excitedly. "It's the one time of the year where designer brands are being sold for next to nothing! The only time in the common world where regular average women fight tooth and nail over clothing! Trust me K-Man!" She said grabbing his shoulders and beginning to shake him back and forth. "It's a VERY BIG DEAL!"
He pried her hands off of his shoulders.
"Don't you have enough clothes already?" He asked. He'd seen her closet in the Hidden Squad alone, and if that was anything to go by
"Nope. Not anymore." She said casually and with a shrug. "I donated all of my clothes to charity so I could go shopping today!"
..You just gave away all of your clothes?" He asked incredulously. "Just like that?"
"Well yea, I do it every year. Is that weird?" She asked confused.
I guess not-"
"Good!" She said turning to look once at the doors and check her phone for the time.
"The doors are about to open." She said cracking her knuckles. "Now I warn you, this is no average shopping trip. No
you're gonna see things today that will haunt you for the rest of your life. Today, you're going to have to rely on every bit of training you've received in your life. THIS! Is the full embodiment of Social Darwinism! This is not a tea party, It's COMBAT! " She finished before looking through the glass once again. "Oooo yay! They're about to open the doors! Get ready!"
. Excuse me please!" Kyohei turned to see a woman in a wheelchair trying in vain to break through the crowd.
" He said tapping her shoulder. "Shouldn't we help that woman?"
Nanami turned and looked at the woman before a look of annoyed recognition crossed her face. "Oh please, don't fall for it." She said. "You should have seen her at the Logans closing sale. She jumped out of that wheelchair, elbowed four people in the face and screamed 'It's a MIRICAL!'"
Kyohei blinked taken back. "Really?"
"Shoot yea!" Nanami said. "Didn't you hear my speech? Social Darwinism: Survival of the fittest! But ummm, they're about to open so, I'll give you some advice: Watch your nose."
"Why?" He asked "What will happen to my-" Kyohei found himself brutally forced into the glass as the crowd surged forward. He was able to move his face enough to get a look inside.
A store clerk with keys in hand, quickly formed a cross on his torso before sliding the key into the lock. Nanami peeled her face off of the glass and pulled him back as the key was turned.
"Get ready!" She said excited.
The faint sound of the lock clicking faintly registered in his ears.
Kyohei would forever remember the next moment as the most chaotic of his life.
No herd of wild animals, elephant stampede or mob of rabid fangirls would ever compare to the rampage of women cramming themselves through the doors.
"Come on! Come on!" Nanami shouted pulling him out of the throng. They made a beeline for
a rack of purple clothing and Nanami began to dig through it.
"Whatever you find on this rack in size small, grab it and guard it with your life!" She shouted over the excited shouts and occasional battle cries.
Kyohei walked up to the rack and hesitantly began to look through clothing.
"Oh god this jacket is so cute!" Nanami said grabbing a sleeve. She began to pull only to have it stay in place. "Aww man! I think it's stuck on something!" She said beginning to follow it around the rack.
Another girl appeared holding the other half of the violet jacket.
"Excuse me please, but I had this first." She said.
"Uhhh I think you're mistaken." Nanami said giving it a tug.
"I've got the cuff." She said.
"I've got the armpit." Nanami argued back.
The girl saw Kyohei standing beside Nanami and reached over grabbing him by the throat and pulling him closer as a captive.
"I've got your brother!" She shouted triumphant.
"HA!" Nanami shouted back. "He's not my BROTHER!"
The girl released him and Kyohei stepped back to avoid the possible violence that was about to occur.
"I warn you." The girl said trying to sound threatening. "My pills wore off, I've been taking karate for a year, and my demanding mother is staying at my house."
"PSh!" Nanami shot back unimpressed. "I'm feeling violent, a black belt, and I'm being babysat by HIM!" She said pointing a thumb at Kyohei.
"Now let GO!" She screamed taking the jacket with a forceful pull.
"This is madness!" Kyohei said his arms full of clothes that Nanami had either ripped from a gathering of arguing women, gotten into a kung fun ninja fight over, or thrown to him to hold onto as she was overwhelmed by a rabid crowd.
"This is Saturday." Nanami said casually. "But thanks for doing such a good job." She said as they entered the elevator.
"So, is it finally over?" He asked trying to repress the memories of hundreds of women swarming around him trying to claw out his eyes.
"Psh heck no! This is only level one!" She said with a smile.
"Please, tell me you're joking." He said.
She laughed. "I wish I was."
The elevator began to rise and the loud speaker buzzed to life.
"Attention shoppers, there is a 30 minuet sale on level three shoes."
Nanamis eyes flicked towards the elevator and she quickly pushed the 3 button.
The elevator continued to rise opening up to the 3 floor. It seemed to be completely empty as the shelves were still filled with an assortment of shoes.
"Ok we have no time on our hands
." Nanami said trying to think quickly.
Kyohei looked at a map of the store posted beside the elevator.
"There's only one public elevator." He said setting the pile of clothes down onto the floor.
"No, there's another service elevator in the back beside the bathrooms but, barely anyone ever uses it." Nanami said.
"Let's see, the announcement went on about
. 2 minutes ago
.." Kyohei began. "The elevator takes at least 4 minutes to get up here
if the elevator can hold up to 15 people at a time
. " He began mentally calculating the odds against them. He walked over to the elevator, pulled off the plate covering the buttons and disconnected two small wires. The light above the elevator flickered a bit before going out completely.
"What did you do?" Nanami asked.
"I just bought you a little more time." He answered. "I estimate the other elevator will be found in about
. 7 minutes, and it will only take a mechanic maybe
.. 9 minutes to find this and fix it. I suggest you move fast." He said with a nod.
"Good plan!" Nanami said grabbing the pile of clothes and running to the checkout counter.
"Start scanning these!" She told the woman behind the counter as she shoved the pile towards her. "Kyohei come with me!" They ran through the shoe racks and shelves heading towards the large 'Size 8' sign that hung above a section.
"Think fast!" Nanami shouted beginning to throw shoes to him. He caught them and followed behind her easily though barely managing to avoid being blinded by a high heel as it slapped him in the face.
"Sorry!" Nanami called. "How much time?"
"Estimated 4 minutes." He said.
"Perfect let's go!" Nanami said taking a majority of the shoes and making a dash for the checkout line where her other clothes were waiting in neatly aligned bags.
"TO THE SHOES!" A woman screamed when the elevator finally opened up on the third floor. Kyohei and Nanami stood to the side as the mob rushed past them.
With bags in hand, they entered the now completely empty elevator and caught a few last minute glimpses of the shoe department as it was being looted of its merchandise.
"Ok, one more floor and we're done."Nanami said. Kyohei took a deep breath as the elevator began to go down.
"Let's do this."
"So, are women usually like this?" Kyohei asked as the two of them walked through the accessories floor.
"Like what? You mean rabid and psycho? No. That's only during blowout sales." Nanami answered. "Haven't you ever been around girls?"
"Hmmmm besides my mother and my sister, not really." He answered looking away.
"Well, you should, we're not all bad."
"Well, I'm not quite sure about that
this is my first time in a predominantly female population and
you're all kind of scaring me."
Nanami laughed. "Don't worry we're not crazy all the time. There are just certain things that make us crazy."
"Oh yea?" Kyohei asked with sarcasm. "Like what?"
Nanami stopped in her tracks and began to glare.
"Like those vultures surrounding the leather belts that's what." She said watching a few women swarm around a belt rack.
"Ok. We need a plan of action." Kyohei said.
"Oh no don't worry I already have one." Nanami said. "How good are you at looking like you're in pain?" She asked him.
"I won't look 'in pain' unless I really am." He answered her unsure of his acting skills.
. Well, that sucks. Remember everything I do is for a good cause. " She said shaking her head.
"What are you talking abou-OW!" He shouted as Nanami stomped on his foot. He held it on a reflex and suddenly found himself on the floor.
"Oh no!" Nanami shouted towards the women. "Are you ok little boy?" She asked.
The women turned and began to walk towards him to see what was going on.
"Psh amateurs." Nanami muttered before running towards the rack.
The women walked over to Kyohei and helped him off the ground. He blinked and tried not to hack from the overwhelming scent of their perfume. He muttered a few answers to their questions:
'Are you ok? Do you need help? Do you need to call your mother?'
He was almost at his snapping point with their patronizing tones and gestures, when he saw Nanami at the checkout counter give him a thumbs up.
"Thank you I'm all right now goodbye." He said breaking away from them.
"Nice diversion." Nanami said adding a few more bags to her growing collection.
Nanami walked towards a less crowded area of the tea shop with two plastic coffee cups steaming with liquid in her hands.
Kyohei had his head on the table in exhaustion when she returned.
"Here's your green tea." She said putting the cup beside his head.
Without sitting up, he took the cup.
"Thanks." He mumbled.
Making her way through the nest of bags that surrounded their table, she sat across from him and slowly began sipping her hot chocolate.
"You know, I have to admit Kyohei, you did really well for it being your first to the death shopping experience. You really held your own out there."
"Mmmmhm" He mumbled in response keeping his head on the table.
"You were smart, fast and resourceful too
A really good shopping partner." She continued.
"Thanks." He said.
"That's why I can't wait till next week, there's a full blowout sale at Ricky's we can get some new stuff for you."
Kyohei's head snapped up and he looked at her with wide eyes.
"What." He said flatly.
"Just kidding." She chuckled.